Pollution

I wish I could explain to you
Your own definition of love affects me so much
But I am tired of constantly fighting
Keeping away your intense toxicity

Whenever you bring along your own dark clouds
Draining me with your acidic rain
I feel like I am choking in the ever flowing water
Loving you forces me to remain in my small shell

I try so many times with a desperation
To shield myself from your weaponised words
It takes too much energy to keep it intact
Against a barrage of these poison darts

I remember my being before these uncertain times
How people around me made my life different from before
I didn’t define myself by your pessimism
Refused to let you come in my way

And now I am always near you
Emotionally shaped by you in every way
Your venom pierces my skull and reaches my mind
An endless supply makes its way into my fragile heart

Your constant quest of expanding your control
Eats into my growing need of freedom
I wish I could bloom being next to you
It requires a support of boundaries you do not care for

When you define experiences by the worst scenario
It fills me with an uncertain dread
It shrinks my self confidence I worked so hard for
Is it even worth pushing myself and getting wrecked

Your restraint in life gets to me
You hold me back by not accepting how far I can fly
You make me dismiss my past progress
Make me forget the grass under me used to be greener

I know deep down
I’ll have to leave you eventually
Leave this house and distance myself
You have made it so hard for me to stay

It scares me you will never be sensitive enough to understand
You do not want to open your heart to listen
It breaks me that this is my only option
Because you are driving me away